More Musings by Crabtail

here i will post current headlines of autistics that have fc'd and are now independant. do we negate their material when they still needed assistance?

i've read some comments here on this board. and i will begin by stating that i am an autistic. and i was invisible untill i could master speech, and untill then i was considered mentally retarded this was until age 12. i was treated like a non person. people talked over me like i wasn't there. and i watched like from a distance, like from another place, there but never there. i was always aware, i listened to what people said and also listened to what they could not hear because they were too busy talking they became like deaf. and i saw what others couldn't notice, because they were too busy seeing only what they wanted to see. i remembered what peoples chose to forget. all these i took in like a sponge absorbing all. all things said and unsaid. i watched i listened, i waited. i took all things in... all of it. not some of it, not just what i wanted. until i felt to explode. it was/is quite a journey...perhaps someday you will experience as well when egos and mind you cast behind and aside and merely just BE. no mind.. no thought. nothing and yet everything.

i do fc with my child, i know her troubles, she needn't come join me here, too crammed and small here. with fc she surfaces, connecting here. the vocabulary of her thoughts interpreting into words. i merely hold her elbow. i am but a bridge and she can visit but doesn't need to stay... it's more like leaving one prison and entering another. i say to her. the natives here don't know what they are doing anyway... they don't know how they sound. they don't know how they look. dignity, respect, compassion, can just be words they toss around but not really mean anything. they only see what they want to see. only hear what they want to hear. we have our prisons, and the natives they have theirs.

but then i'm just an autistic, so who cares what i think. what does it matter what i see? or hear? or witness? i'm nobody really, termed mentally retarded until almost adulthood. cast away and tossed aside, living on the fringes of society. a mental cripple, a handicap. hidden away. silent all these years. till i hear something different. something strange... and it's my voice. i crossed the bridge and entered your world...and now with voice can i use it for any great thing? what if it be lost to me again? and if so i use mine voice can i really change anything? does it matter anyway? and now that i'm here so tight and strange, everything condensed. my memory goes, like a dream fading. and i wonder will i? like the natives here will i? forget to listen? will i also turn deaf? in time, while walking the walk, talking the talk, will i? will i also forget to see? and walk blind seeing only with the eyes in my head and the eyes of ego? will i, if a walk amongst you long enough?

i am no longer off distance watching and observing i
hirsh | 11.27.05 - 9:25 am | #

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here be the links:

http://www.stateart.com/ pressrel...mNomination.asp

http://hometown.aol.com/sharisajoy/

http://soeweb.syr.edu/thefci/aut.../ authorship.htm

http://www.jhu.edu/netverse/ poet...ochmeister.html

http://www.onqhr.com.au/ONQHR/GR...SE- NR021211.HTM

http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/...e/ notebook.html

http:// magma.nationalgeographic....line_extra.html

http://www.stateart.com/ pressrel...mNomination.asp

http://www.pbs.org/kcet/closerto...re/ show_03.html

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/ 2...ain536416.shtml
hirsh | 11.27.05 - 9:27 am | #